About kelseythompson :
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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
kelseythompson's favorite FMLs
Today, I was complimented by a stranger, who said I looked great in my outfit. I thanked her, and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously, and she explained: she was arguing with her friends about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of my voice was the answer. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by merpaderp14 / 09/09/2013 at 2:15am / Canada / Intimacy
by vrossie_ / 09/08/2013 at 1:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML
by fuck my liBLARGHSLJNAdlajdSzxz / 09/05/2013 at 12:39pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML
by down trodden / 09/05/2013 at 3:45am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML
by dear god help me. / 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work
by swana99 / 09/04/2013 at 4:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm / United States (South Dakota) / Health
Today, I started my new internship at a vet clinic. By the end of the day I had: been peed on, scratched, forced to stuff a dead dog into a plastic bag, thrown up and almost passed out. I need to rethink my future career. FML
by VetStudent / 09/04/2013 at 3:30am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
by fml / 09/03/2013 at 2:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML
by sweetnan / 08/27/2013 at 9:29pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML
by Demotivation / 08/23/2013 at 10:12am / Germany / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 6:46pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
by DrtySnchez / 08/18/2013 at 5:37am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
- Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked… Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…