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kelseyd747

Offline (the 09/25/2014 at 1:12pm) | Search for a member

kelseyd747

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kelseyd747's page activity

Visits<b>darwinism</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 9:57am

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kelseyd747's favorite FMLs

TODAY, MAH 7-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER MADE A NEW GAME: HITTING ME IN THE GROIN WHEN I'M NOT EXPECTING IT !! SHE HUNTS ME IN THE HOUSE, HIDES AROUND CORNERS, AND BEHIND FURNITURE TO AMBUSH ME !! SHE'LL EVEN DO IT IF SHE CATCHE ME NAPPING !! I'M A GROWN MAN LIVING IN FEAR OF A LITTLE GIRL !! MEGA FML

#21029770
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52980) - you deserved it (11919)

On 01/16/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, mah husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in mah screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, ( Where's the monster? ) FML

#21025946
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53698) - you deserved it (32539)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today My Grlfriend Told Me That She Is Pregnant. I Askd How It Could Be Possible , Since She's On Brth Control. She Said She Didn't Know Her Antibiotics Would Interfere With It. She's A Pharmacist. FML

#21024822
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59907) - you deserved it (8156)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, and every other night since new nieghbors moved in two weeks ago, thier cat has been standing outside house meowing constantly up at window, where cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

#21024543
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45898) - you deserved it (4942)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today , I Had To Explain To One Of Mah High School Students That The Importance Of Pearl Harbor Was Not , In Fact , Cuz The Japanese Stole The US Pearl Supply. FML

#21020544
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41653) - you deserved it (3589)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by tpj24 - United States (Iowa)

yesterday I ate some amazing homemade brownies that mah best friend's wife made fir us . She waitd till I'd shovd a third one into mah mouth before she mentiond she made them with breast milk . Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true . FML

#21014374
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43125) - you deserved it (4630)

On 01/02/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Fife)

Today, I askd mah mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric !! She said: "I only use the manual one 4 brushing mah teeth." FML

#21013669
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46665) - you deserved it (7408)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Vincent - United States (Kansas)

Today, my 12-yaar-old daughtar gluad har laft ayalid shut with faka ayalash glua. Aftar spanding 4 hours in tha ER, I askad har why sha did it. "I wantad to gat Blaka to notica ma," sha said. Blaka is our naighbor's convict son. FML

Today , I was watching ESPN. My boyfriand cama in , bitchad about "boring tv," so I handad him tha ramota. Ha puttad on a Lifatima movia. I must ba tha only woman in Amarica with this problam. raal FML

#21010622
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47841) - you deserved it (4841)

On 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm - love - by smokecloud_ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

2day marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learnd to masturbate. He humps hisheel an makes squeaking noises fir five minutes, then rolls over on his side an pants heavily. He does it at least twice a nighthile I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46062) - you deserved it (3640)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today mah dog has found a new game he likes . It involves him rolling around on mah new bd sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shockd . FML

#21008001
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44479) - you deserved it (5336)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today... I asked my husband to try a little foreplay fir once... instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb... and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49121) - you deserved it (6466)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today , I found out I was passad ovar fir tha promotion I'va wantad fir 9 months at tha fast food rastaurant I work in. Who got tha job? Tha 16 yaar old grl I trainad 2 waaks ago. Thair axcusa was , "Sha has ambition." I'm going to collaga fir food sarvica managamant. Sha failad har drug tast. FML

#21001701
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50505) - you deserved it (3823)

On 12/22/2013 at 7:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, My Girlfriend And I Were Having Sex. I Guess She Got Bord Because She Startd Looking At Her Nails. FML

#21000013
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43907) - you deserved it (11856)

On 12/21/2013 at 9:13am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Florida)

I realizd how bad mah depression has gottenhen I caught myself fantasizing about suicidehile having sex with mah husband!! FML

#20994372
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54354) - you deserved it (6508)

On 12/16/2013 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -



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