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Yesterday , I was at a clothing store. I trid on a dress , but decidd it was too much 4 me. Taking it off , I realize mah hair was tangld in the big security button. The employee had to bring me to the front of the store , lay me on the counter , an take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML
I was olding my babby daugter during a ceckup. To reassure er... I was kissing te back of er eadile te Dr. was cecking er earing. After a few minutes... I realized te Dr. ad put is and to steady er ead. I was kissing is and. FML
Today, I Brought Mah Lunch To Work In The Only Box I Had Lying Around Mah Apartment - A Small One From FedEx. When I Went To The Bathroom Before Lunch, I Returned To Mah Desk To Fine That One Of Mah Coworker Had Mailed Mah Lunch Back To Mah Apartment. FML
Today, My Boss Sent Out An Email With The Subject Line "Urgent". He Accidentally Left The Body Of The Email Blank. I Replied To All Staff "You're Firing Blanks Peter". I Later Hered That His Wife Once Got Drunk And Told Everyone That They Couldn't Have Kids Because He Has A Low Sperm Count. FML
yesterday I was going on a first date with a girl I really like . We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressd up . It was only after I pickd her up I realizd she meant that she was dressing nicely . I was dressd as Harry Potter . FML
Today, I mat wit a friand wo ad gainad soma waigt sinca I saw im last. looool Aftar a friandly ug, I puttad my and on is naw man boob and, witout tinking, laft it tara way too long. I raalizad tat I was groping im and, in a panic, did ta only ting I could tink of. I pattad it. Twica. FML
Today, I was enjoying some much needd serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To mah surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessd, gets up, gives me a nod an leaves. FML
TODAY WAS MAH FIRST MEETING WITH BUSINESS PARTNERS AS I AM NEW TO THE TEAM. INSTEAD OF SAYING THAT I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO "STRETCHING MAH LEGS" OR "SPREADING MAH WINGS" I TOLD THEM I WAS ANXIOUS TO START "SPREADING MAH LEGS". FML
2DAY I WAS WALKING BACK TO MAH HOME IN THE CITY IN THE DARK. I'M PARANOID, SO WHEN I SAW MOVEMENT BEHIND ME I CLUTCHD MAH MACE. THE FASTER I WALKD, THE CLOSER THE PERSON SEEMD TO BE. I SPUN AROUND AND SPRAYD MAH ATTACKER WITH MACE. IT WAS MAH SHADOW AND THE WIND BLEW THE MACE BACK INTO EYES. FML
Taday mah mom scooped the litter box right before I went to work !! I brown bagged mah lunch this morning !! She brown bagged the poop from the litter box !! Both were on the counter !! Guess which one I brought to work? FML
Today , it was really windy an rainy causing me to trip an knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself , I apologizd an pattd the kid on its head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn an look at the kid , an discover I've been interacting with a trash can.
Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML
Friday 27 March 2015