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kelissa

Offline (the 08/11/2014 at 6:54pm) | Search for a member

kelissa

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 27 October 1996 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5910
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About kelissa : My names Kelissa as noted by my user. don't comment or anything much, just come here for laughs. you know to get away from it all. and it works. :)

kelissa's page activity

Visits<b>karacakal2</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 6:05am<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 5:13pm<b>TwentyOnePilots1</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 11:16am<b>Hrodrik</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 2:02am<b>Westifer</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 8:30pm<b>Knaxer</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 9:26am<b>bklswagger</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 4:48pm<b>StiffPvtParts</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 6:44pm<b>cmontaz</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 12:04pm<b>Shamandalie89</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 9:11am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 9:09pm<b>NoName131</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 12:29am<b>7liv7</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 2:57pm<b>crazy_loner</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 2:06pm<b>taylorzgoines</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 4:10pm<b>Allornone</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 5:52am<b>Lanker</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 5:33am<b>moneymuffen</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 12:25am

Fucked!<b>taylorzgoines</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 10:10pm<b>MehNameIsJuan</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 5:13am

kelissa's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of kelissa's badges

kelissa's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking to a café with my soon-to-be boss. While crossing a busy street, I slipped in a puddle and accidentally grabbed his junk to catch myself. FML

#19299897
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30731) - you deserved it (3322)

On 03/18/2012 at 11:04am - work - by cachucy - United States (Illinois)

Today, while coming out of Walmart, I dropped a $50 bill. Some kid came running up after me yelling, "Hey mister, you dropped this!" as he ran past me laughing. FML

#19292961
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31167) - you deserved it (4407)

On 03/17/2012 at 9:04am - money - by dhbeaver - United States (Virginia)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

#19279132
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37114) - you deserved it (6311)

On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)

Today, while DJing at a jumpin' wedding reception, my speaker system conked out. I hadn't brought any backup equipment, and 500 guests had the unfortunate luxury of dancing to the sounds of a portable CD player someone brought in from their car. FML

#19255485
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9891) - you deserved it (28706)

On 03/11/2012 at 1:51am - misc - by Joey - Canada

Today, I was boarding a plane and a woman's bag started to fall. In the spur of the moment I thrust my arm up to catch it. I didn't catch the bag, but I did catch her boob. I had to sit next to her for the rest of the flight. FML

#19243126
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25392) - you deserved it (2763)

On 03/08/2012 at 11:45pm - misc - by babymine - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was cooking and I burned my thumb. I had some first-aid burn spray, so I sprayed it on. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and when I flicked my lighter, my thumb went up in flames. Turns out that first-aid burn spray is flammable. FML

#19231418
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13424) - you deserved it (43944)

On 03/07/2012 at 1:29am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

#19174199
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39052) - you deserved it (5658)

On 02/27/2012 at 10:55am - health - by awhmaaan - United Kingdom

Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

#19172113
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24558) - you deserved it (4322)

On 02/27/2012 at 12:12am - love - by SwimminginSweat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML

#19147436
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11523) - you deserved it (37995) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/23/2012 at 5:01pm - misc - by Laviolette - France

Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML

#19139199
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34174) - you deserved it (4338)

On 02/22/2012 at 2:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I took off my sweatshirt in the middle of class. The tanktop I was wearing underneath went with it. FML

#18980998
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32669) - you deserved it (7879)

On 02/02/2012 at 11:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

#18968105
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39314) - you deserved it (3628)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:11am - work - by ABBenzin (man) - United States

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

#18913819
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30864) - you deserved it (4151)

On 01/26/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by RequilaRainbow - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

#18716901
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41285) - you deserved it (5354) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/05/2012 at 3:40pm - animals - by Fat_abott - France

Today, I was on Skype with the guy I like. After a while of being on Facebook I forgot I was on webcam to him and started picking my nose. He ended the call. FML

#18716457
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15374) - you deserved it (54017)

On 01/05/2012 at 2:35pm - love - by louise (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)



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