keepcalmandbacon

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Offline (the 09/07/2014 at 11:01pm)

keepcalmandbacon

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2494
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About keepcalmandbacon : One does not simply write a description of oneself on FML.

keepcalmandbacon's page activity

Visits<b>Mornai</b> - the 12/07/2013 at 4:53pm<b>K_kanaka</b> - the 12/06/2013 at 12:33am<b>anonymity12345</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 1:54pm<b>Pwn17</b> - the 10/31/2013 at 4:02pm<b>JtPv</b> - the 08/28/2013 at 9:25pm<b>KaiserCreame</b> - the 08/25/2013 at 7:09am<b>nikenico14</b> - the 08/24/2013 at 6:37pm<b>baxeh</b> - the 08/18/2013 at 7:46am<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 08/04/2013 at 6:34am<b>jojimugo</b> - the 08/03/2013 at 3:09am<b>a_lyrical_ass</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 3:58am<b>olpally</b> - the 07/28/2013 at 12:07pm<b>graffitied_love</b> - the 07/21/2013 at 12:29am<b>NakedandScared</b> - the 07/20/2013 at 4:43pm<b>MidnaLink</b> - the 07/18/2013 at 9:01am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 11:10am<b>losername77</b> - the 07/15/2013 at 11:06pm<b>gary3768</b> - the 06/01/2013 at 2:29am

keepcalmandbacon's FML badges

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keepcalmandbacon's favorite FMLs

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm / United States (Utah) / Kids

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

by scared-straight / 05/27/2013 at 12:05am / United States / Animals

Today, I was ditched by the guy I flew over two thousand miles to see. His excuse? "I'm just tired. I want to go home and sleep" Later, he checked in at a bar right down the street from the hotel on Facebook. FML

by phoenixditch / 05/23/2013 at 3:13am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

by lez probs / 05/18/2013 at 8:54am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my bag got stolen with all of my belongings at the beach. After being forced to ask strangers for money, I then travelled home on the train for an hour, wearing only a bikini. FML

by Chelsea / 05/18/2013 at 4:57am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

by Sonofa / 05/17/2013 at 11:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

by asdffhhjk / 05/15/2013 at 4:08am / Philippines (Manila) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML

by Screwed Up / 05/09/2013 at 1:30am / United States / Health

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

by blondie107 / 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

by emasculated 10000% / 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm / Sweden (Kronobergs Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a giant Scantron test. After putting 10 answers, I noticed every single answer was A. I got freaked out and started putting random answers. Turns out every answer on the test was A. I failed. FML

by FireoftheFuture / 05/02/2013 at 7:02am / United States / Work

Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 5:48pm / United States / Work

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he says I need to learn how to be happy without relying on him. I'm not a clinger, I'm just unhappy because my dad recently passed away, my best friend turned on me, and I lost out on the exchange program of my dreams. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 12:35pm / Denmark / Love