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keeleymalloy

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keeleymalloy

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 34
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About keeleymalloy : Brunette :) I have a dog named Bailey and I like to play Xbox that's all :p

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keeleymalloy's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

#19734981
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26973) - you deserved it (2826)

On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

#19611512
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19026) - you deserved it (1748)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm - animals - by Eric Ngan - Singapore

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17364) - you deserved it (29722)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

#19520416
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43455) - you deserved it (3139)

On 04/24/2012 at 1:42am - animals - by jessica071509 - United States (Arizona)

Today, as I was washing my boyfriend's fishbowl, the fish did a Nemo and made an unholy leap down the drain. My immediate impulse was to flip the switch. Our kitchen now smells like mutilated fish and my boyfriend won't speak to me. FML

#19504619
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8175) - you deserved it (31458)

On 04/21/2012 at 2:01am - animals - by gimmeasalad - United States (California)

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML

#19043614
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24444) - you deserved it (2582)

On 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm - misc - by rapper in training (man) - United States

Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML

#18697253
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27700) - you deserved it (7632)

On 01/03/2012 at 2:44pm - animals - by vanessa560 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML

#15947256
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28886) - you deserved it (17265)

On 04/27/2011 at 10:05am - animals - by scarred4life (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

#15852262
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49507) - you deserved it (8052)

On 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

#13949092
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40517) - you deserved it (5371)

On 11/23/2010 at 12:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710
1165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82408) - you deserved it (219470)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)



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