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keekeehayes's favorite FMLs
by Wow / 04/11/2013 at 8:52am / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML
by Anonymous / 04/10/2013 at 12:28am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML
by WearingSomethingStringy / 04/09/2013 at 8:02pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 6:10am / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML
by Iknoweverything / 12/22/2012 at 3:06am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
by Anonymous / 12/17/2012 at 3:17am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm / United States / Love
by ToughTitties / 12/14/2012 at 8:45am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Intimacy
Today, one of the girls who has made it her job to ruin my life cornered me in the hallway at school. She tried to insult me, and for the first time in my life I had a scathing comeback. My elation quickly ended when she violently shoved my face into the water fountain. FML
by ShadowReiku / 12/13/2012 at 3:39am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by maxedoutidiot / 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML
by dino0123 / 12/12/2012 at 12:51pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
by Karim / 12/12/2012 at 12:29am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Love
by julia / 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Read The Fine Print / 11/24/2012 at 12:55am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML
by Embarassed / 11/23/2012 at 1:14am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
- Today, a nurse asked my relationship status. I answered, "Married". She then asked if there was any… Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When… Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my…