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Mobility
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Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43577) - you deserved it (3615)
On 06/13/2013 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Hannah (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, a bug buzzed into my ear. In response, I punched myself in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32159) - you deserved it (23833)
On 06/13/2013 at 12:22am - misc - by sugarysofalof - United States (Colorado)
Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34339) - you deserved it (3398)
On 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I went to use the restroom. I looked down at the toilet, and saw blood smeared all over the seat, as well as several dirty tampons in the floor. I confronted my girlfriend about the mess, only for her to reply with, "Well, what'd you expect? You live with a woman now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38173) - you deserved it (3243)
On 02/26/2013 at 1:29am - health - by GrossedOut (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24505) - you deserved it (1509)
On 01/16/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by Kallian - United States
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22059) - you deserved it (2329)
On 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by for fuck sake dad (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28462) - you deserved it (4132)
On 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29623) - you deserved it (2884)
Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34185) - you deserved it (2878)
On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (31362) - you deserved it (2941) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9003) - you deserved it (12980)
On 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm - love - by cockblocked (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16902) - you deserved it (1817)
On 04/25/2012 at 2:22am - intimacy - by intheairtonight (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4299) - you deserved it (41533)
On 03/27/2012 at 10:38pm - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11606) - you deserved it (3264)
On 03/24/2012 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25307) - you deserved it (1330)
On 03/15/2012 at 3:49am - misc - by Bebefer - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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