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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60451) - you deserved it (5774)
On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)
Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nachos and cheese off the bathroom floor. She wasn't wearing any pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27536) - you deserved it (1891)
On 03/17/2013 at 11:14pm - work - by Ihatemyjob (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16387) - you deserved it (897)
On 11/25/2012 at 6:36pm - misc - by Username (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)
Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17985) - you deserved it (3707)
On 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by anon - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15423) - you deserved it (1892)
On 11/16/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by grocerystalker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13970) - you deserved it (4415)
On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19179) - you deserved it (961)
On 10/24/2012 at 6:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, a cashier asked me if I would like to donate to breast cancer research. Since I have already made my donations this month, I politely declined. The cashier snorted and said, "Maybe you'll feel differently if someone you love got cancer." I'm a two-year survivor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32096) - you deserved it (1607)
On 10/24/2012 at 5:21am - money - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24502) - you deserved it (834)
On 10/16/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by Faker (woman) - United States
Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, and so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13462) - you deserved it (1378)
On 10/12/2012 at 6:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was kicked out of a job interview at a clothing store for "not dressing appropriately" for the occasion. I'd purchased my outfit from the same store just two days prior with my last $100. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16050) - you deserved it (3430)
On 10/12/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by ClothesHorse (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18241) - you deserved it (5157)
On 10/12/2012 at 7:11am - health - by monkeyzz (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11635) - you deserved it (17531)
On 10/08/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by ScaryBears (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I moved into my new apartment. I was feeling really excited until my new neighbor knocked on my door and left me what looks like rabbit ears on my welcome mat. He just stared at me expectantly as though I should be thankful. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13191) - you deserved it (1117)
On 09/17/2012 at 10:59am - misc - by Nickie809 - United States (Nevada)
Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23002) - you deserved it (4572)
On 09/15/2012 at 6:16pm - love - by hannah (woman) - New Zealand (Marlborough)
Monday 20 May 2013
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