Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

kdm_km1

Offline (yesterday at 5:53am) | Search for a member

kdm_km1

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 26 December 1984 (29 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2087
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About kdm_km1 : I'm awesome. Just ask me.

kdm_km1's page activity

Visits<b>SMUTflakes</b> - 39 minutes ago<b>FYLTHOUGH</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 8:22pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 2:41am<b>facelick</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 12:40pm<b>BBeffedmylife</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 11:53pm<b>Cherryta</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 11:31am<b>ostfaiz</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 6:28am<b>Brandi_Faith</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 1:21am<b>madellen</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 12:08pm<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 2:52pm<b>Josiiee</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 1:38am<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 10:06pm<b>Shiffy_Em</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 1:45pm<b>rimosah</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 11:52pm<b>rafaelc334</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 10:06am<b>ItsMissLia</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 6:48am<b>JustClaire95</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 5:13pm<b>mbonzo35</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 4:52am

kdm_km1's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of kdm_km1's badges

kdm_km1's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

#18370889
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37989) - you deserved it (9335)

On 11/27/2011 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML

#18260975
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36311) - you deserved it (6888)

On 11/16/2011 at 12:27am - intimacy - by halloweed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

#18255063
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35823) - you deserved it (18846)

On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy (woman) - United States

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

#18145171
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62397) - you deserved it (4622)

On 11/03/2011 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

#18095977
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26461) - you deserved it (4899)

On 10/28/2011 at 11:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

#18087484
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32151) - you deserved it (7949)

On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

#18086804
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13599) - you deserved it (34766)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

#17589386
676 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30142) - you deserved it (49147)

On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

#17522944
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27164) - you deserved it (3670)

On 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by shitless88 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

#17497586
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24454) - you deserved it (11200)

On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

#17487267
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32980) - you deserved it (2847)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:22am - kids - by Gross... (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML

#17448380
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25897) - you deserved it (2535)

On 08/12/2011 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML

#17447150
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23361) - you deserved it (27074)

On 08/12/2011 at 2:14am - intimacy - by fml - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43401) - you deserved it (14499)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, while driving in a funeral procession I was distracted, missed my turn and yelled "God dammit!" I'm the funeral director; the Priest was in the car with me as I led the funeral the wrong way. FML

#16659246
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13925) - you deserved it (35710)

On 06/14/2011 at 10:23am - work - by patrickalamo - United States (Texas)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you know any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: