About kdm_km1 : I try to make each day as I intresting as I can, but work makes that hard sometimes. That said, I spend my free time playing sports, hunting/fishing, and hanging out with friends. Anything else you want to know just ask 😊
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
kdm_km1's favorite FMLs
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 12:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by LOTRfail / 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/25/2012 at 6:54am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML
by divorce? i think so / 07/20/2012 at 10:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML
by idontgetit / 06/12/2012 at 7:39pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
by dating a manchild / 06/01/2012 at 7:50pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML
by Anonymous / 06/01/2012 at 4:46pm / Greece (Attiki) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML
by me / 05/18/2012 at 10:41pm / United States (Michigan) / Money
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 6:32am / United States / Health
by mrricecakes / 03/23/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML
by anonymous / 03/14/2012 at 1:18am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 8:51am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy
by Wow / 03/13/2012 at 12:38am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy