About kdm_km1 : I'm awesome. Just ask me.
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Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (22866) - you deserved it (4046)
On 10/29/2010 at 7:15pm - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59546) - you deserved it (6011)
On 10/04/2010 at 5:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my four year old daughter pulled her pants down in the middle of Best Buy. Apparently, you can smell the farts better when they don't have to pass through clothing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23932) - you deserved it (3671)
On 10/04/2010 at 1:48am - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version
Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24722) - you deserved it (4773)
On 09/04/2010 at 12:15am - intimacy - by FMyLife5915 -
Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27065) - you deserved it (10609)
On 08/29/2010 at 3:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10906) - you deserved it (35513)
On 08/26/2010 at 9:32am - intimacy - by H8TR (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37110) - you deserved it (3321)
On 08/16/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31603) - you deserved it (7954)
On 08/04/2010 at 6:25am - intimacy - by Embarressed... (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43647) - you deserved it (6490)
On 08/04/2010 at 12:20am - love - by Alisha Marie - United States (New York)
Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31651) - you deserved it (7552)
On 07/13/2010 at 12:34am - misc - by Betchsadface - United States
Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34890) - you deserved it (18129)
On 04/16/2010 at 12:03am - intimacy - by shmelly - United States
Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14041) - you deserved it (2610)
On 03/15/2010 at 5:14am - intimacy - by shygurl434 - United States (Alaska)
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17050) - you deserved it (3007)
On 02/24/2010 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36591) - you deserved it (5279)
On 10/31/2009 at 3:40pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)
Today, I farted while I was in line at the bank. I tried to pretend it wasn't me by looking at the man behind me and turning back with a disgusted look on my face. I thought I had gotten away with it when the man yells "It wasn't me, this bitch did it". FML
I agree, your life sucks (6111) - you deserved it (72755)
On 08/19/2009 at 7:39am - misc - by moutz (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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