About kdm_km1 : I'm awesome. Just ask me.
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Today, I texted my boyfriend on the way to the hospital to tell him I needed stitches, after my brother's dog bit me on the breast. His response? "Pics or it didn't happen." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23460) - you deserved it (4490)
On 12/29/2011 at 10:48am - health - by OH COME ON (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24472) - you deserved it (2852)
On 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30595) - you deserved it (7016)
On 11/27/2011 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29385) - you deserved it (5243)
On 11/16/2011 at 12:27am - intimacy - by halloweed (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29636) - you deserved it (16883)
On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy - United States
Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (53044) - you deserved it (3339)
On 11/03/2011 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20710) - you deserved it (3699)
On 10/28/2011 at 11:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25402) - you deserved it (5953)
On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10273) - you deserved it (24364)
On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States
Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25387) - you deserved it (36785)
On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States
Today, I was in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22483) - you deserved it (3167)
On 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by shitless88 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19126) - you deserved it (8243)
On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)
Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27200) - you deserved it (2045)
On 08/16/2011 at 2:22am - kids - by Gross... (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20678) - you deserved it (1812)
On 08/12/2011 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, telling him how much I loved him. His answer? "Less lovin' more humpin'." This happens every single time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18687) - you deserved it (19315)
On 08/12/2011 at 2:14am - intimacy - by fml - Canada (British Columbia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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