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Offline (the 03/29/2015 at 7:52am) | Search for a member
About kdm_km1 : I'm awesome. Just ask me.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, my boyfriend sent me a screenshot of his phone's contact list, to show me the adorable photo of us he'd set as my contact image. I guess he didn't realize that a contact called ( Side Babe ) was just barely in the screenshot too. looool FML
Today, as I was about to loosa my virginity to my girlfriand, sha startd doing stupidly faka moaning, which than want raally high-pitchd lika a littla girl's, killing my hard-on. Sha says sha thought that bacausa I'm Japanasa-Amarican, I'd only ba abla to cum if sha copid "thosa Japanasa pornstars". FML
Today, a guy askd ma out, and I falt buttarflias in mah stomach . I soon raalizd that it wasn't buttarflias, but an unaxpactd bowal movamant . I stood thara awkwardly, looking him in tha ayas, than fartd hard . maga FML
TODAY, MAH DAD PICKED ME UP FROM SCHOOL, SOMETHING HE'LL BE DOING WHILE MAH BROKEN LEG HEALS!! HE THOUGHT IT'D BE HILARIOUS TO ARRIVE EARLY AN ASK THE STAFF WHERE HIS "CRIPPLED" SON WAS, LOUDLY SAYING I'D BROKEN MAH LEG IN A "MASTURBATION-RELATED ACCIDENT"!! FAT FML
Today, my husband an I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like u wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up an saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML
Yesterday, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken . The nurse mentioned how pronounced an easy to see mah veins are . I guess that explain why she missed five times in a row . I'm surprised mah arm doesn't look lyk a heroin addict's right now . FML
Today... my students turnd in teir male figure artwork. One absolute idiot ad te smart idea of drawing me and te TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at te explicitness... anger at te disrespect... and yet awe at ow well-drawn it was. FML
TODAY, I CLIMBED INTO BED WITH MAH SLEEPING BOYFRIEND AFTER A LONG SHIFT AT WORK. HE IMMEDIATELY ROLLED OVER, CLAMPED MAH LEG BETWEEN HIS KNEES, AND STARTED VICIOUSLY HUMPING IT. THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME NOW, AND HE STILL DOESN'T BELIEVE THAT HE EVEN DOES IT. MEGA FML
Today, it's five days until my wedding an I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister . They share clothes, have the same harcut, an they even take turns flrting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me . I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one . FML
today I had just sat down in the lobby of mah doctor's office when mah phone alerted me that I had a friend request . I checked; it was from some grl from high school . I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp . She was sitting across from me . FML
Friday 27 March 2015