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kaywalovestoflip's favorite FMLs
Today, I was in an unfamiliar building on campus and I needed to use the bathroom before class started. I walked in and saw a man at the sink. I said "Oh my god I'm sorry! I thought this was the women's washroom." It was. The very butch looking woman gave me a look of death. FML
by Cherie / 08/31/2009 at 5:18pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, while teaching swim lessons, a boy was holding a noodle and claimed it was his fishing rod. Trying to be fun, I grabbed on and told him to "reel" me in. He then yells out 'YAY, I caught a whale!'. FML
by guard35 / 08/12/2009 at 1:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats and turntable scratches. FML
by Jacky-Boy / 08/06/2009 at 8:22pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Work
by Fmycatslife / 07/26/2009 at 7:18pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals
Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML
by OneYearMistake. / 07/22/2009 at 7:35pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love
Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML
by Peta2nNoMore / 07/04/2009 at 6:42am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Kids
Today, I was at the water park with my boyfriend. We were getting on a two-person tube slide. As I went to sit in the front I noticed the lifeguard looking me up and down, what I assumed was him checking me out. I found out I was wrong when he said, "Heaviest in back." FML
by barbie / 05/18/2009 at 1:48am / United States (Indiana) / Health
by dasbooot / 04/30/2009 at 12:53am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, I used the bathroom on a bus from New York to Boston, and carefully covered the seat with twenty of the single-square toilet paper rations. As I was peeing, the bus flew over a bump and swerved sharply, and my entire naked bottom was splashed with urine and poop. It wasn't my own. FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2009 at 2:27am / United States (Rhode Island) / Transportation
Today, I bought a brand new flat screen TV. When I brought it home it didn't work. Furious, I walked into Best Buy and yelled at a guy in a tucked in blue polo and khakis. I asked him why it didn't work and he said he didn't know. I kept screaming. He didn't have a nametag. He didn't work there. FML
by asdfghjkl / 04/18/2009 at 10:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML
by shutupandsmile18 / 04/17/2009 at 10:32pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my friend drove me me to catch the 8 pm train. Running late, we screeched into the parking lot at 7:57, stopped the car in a 'no stop' zone. I said goodbye to my friend, sprinted to my train and barely made it. Then, with the train in motion, I noticed my friend's car keys in my hand. FML
by Lo / 04/15/2009 at 1:14am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML
by khood / 04/14/2009 at 1:10am / United States / Love
Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was playing with his little sister by grabbing her arms and spinning her around. On one turn, she started screaming in pain. It turns out I dislocated both her shoulders. FML
by grem / 04/13/2009 at 7:27pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it a solo came on, and i turned to her and said "This is the worst F*ing solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML
by anonymous / 03/22/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (New York) / Love
- Today, I found out that my husband has more topless pictures of his ex on his computer than he does… Today, we were swimming in gym class. There are some cute girls in our class and they were wearing… Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort…