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kaywalovestoflip's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to the orthodontist. The lady took a break and went to use the restroom. Apparently she didn't bother to take her gloves off, and they smelled like straight up pee. She had her hands in my mouth for over an hour. FML
by Bob / 11/22/2011 at 1:06pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML
by southernpride93 / 11/18/2011 at 10:26am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
by yuck / 11/15/2011 at 9:38am / United Kingdom (Bolton) / Animals
Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML
by SetoAyumi / 11/15/2011 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by jocksblow / 11/14/2011 at 8:23am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/14/2011 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML
by midwesternpetclerk / 11/08/2011 at 11:06pm / United States / Work
Today, on the subway, a woman got off without her suitcase. I grabbed the case, chased her onto the platform, and shouted, "You forgot your suitcase!" while the doors closed behind me. In actual fact, it wasn't her suitcase, and its actual owner was still on the train. FML
by Lavalise / 11/05/2011 at 3:11am / France / Transportation
by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 3:29am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2011 at 11:52am / United States / Kids
by myownperson / 10/25/2011 at 4:17am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML
by Mr.P / 10/21/2011 at 11:35am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…