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kaylamarriee's favorite FMLs
Today, I burned my hand while making breakfast. As I staggered around the kitchen in agony, looking for some burn cream, my cat figured he'd latch onto said hand and drag his claws through the burn. FML
by misfitunfit / 11/05/2014 at 10:58am / United States / Animals
Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML
by Anonymous / 10/31/2014 at 6:55am / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Kids
by GetMeTheDamnBleach / 10/21/2014 at 3:46pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Animals
by sickened / 09/21/2014 at 2:23pm / United Kingdom (Gateshead) / Money
Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML
by HappilyNeverAfter / 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Meowit / 09/06/2014 at 11:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML
by crop circle galore / 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 09/04/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Michigan) / Animals
by s0728 / 09/01/2014 at 5:37pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately shot back, "And I'm getting E.D., who gives a damn?" Just when I thought he was joking, he muttered that "the bitch" will take everything in our divorce. Moment ruined. FML
by Anonymous / 08/12/2014 at 1:55pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML
by jayswizzle89 / 07/29/2014 at 3:58am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML
by asshalf15 / 07/25/2014 at 4:19pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML
by notadoorman / 07/25/2014 at 2:16pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by shewhopoopsinlitterboxes / 07/25/2014 at 11:54am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, because I’m on my period, I asked my boyfriend to turn around so I could change my clothes.…