About kattylizbeth : I don't want an about me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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kattylizbeth's favorite FMLs
Today, I was babysitting my 5 month old nephew who hasn't pooped in 2 days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolls over and pees on my new carpet. I roll him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML
by chuchie / 06/11/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, I started my period. I am getting married tomorrow. So, not only am I going to be on my period for my wedding night and honeymoon, my best friend has to help me change my pad because my dress is so big. FML
by anonymous / 04/24/2009 at 3:50pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML
by pinkblankets / 04/18/2009 at 9:55pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
Today, my mom had a baby shower. When it was over I walked around cleaning up the trash, when I saw a card sitting on the table with a note to my mom saying "better luck with this one." At the moment I am an only child, and the card was signed from my grandmother. FML
by Tim / 04/09/2009 at 5:44pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML
by blovesg / 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its' head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML
by trashcanned / 04/06/2009 at 7:47am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML
by Anonymous / 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML
by promdump / 03/06/2009 at 9:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by stillsingleladies / 02/17/2009 at 10:27am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by yerbuagalapagos wonder / 02/06/2009 at 4:50pm / Ecuador (Galapagos) / Transportation
Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML
by blarg / 01/29/2009 at 7:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I finally went to talk to my neighbour upstairs. He is always throwing his cigarette buts on… Today, I screamed so hard during a nightmare that I developed Laryngitis. I work in a call center.… Today, I ran an experiment perfectly in lab. I was the last in my class to finish and proud of how…