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katherinebby17's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 03/30/2015 at 6:30am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by ironwoman23 / 03/27/2015 at 8:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML
by Anonymous / 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML
by Anonymous / 03/22/2015 at 10:59am / United States / Love
by shawnsmuffins / 03/19/2015 at 10:23pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML
by mafille / 03/18/2015 at 11:22pm / France / Kids
Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone call. They were impressed with me. That's when my son decided to throw a tantrum asking for food. After some silence, the caller told me they were looking for someone who wasn't juggling little kids at home and hung up. My son is 20. FML
by Stressed Mother / 03/18/2015 at 5:26pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/18/2015 at 5:44am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother worked out that my boyfriend and I are having sex. Instead of confronting me about it, she now just sits and stares at me judgmentally whenever I'm in the same room as her, making me feel incredibly uncomfortable. FML
by distressed / 03/17/2015 at 8:00am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/13/2015 at 3:35pm / Bahrain (Al Manamah) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking my dog. Suddenly, my insane neighbor who loves dogs a bit too much comes over and asks to pet my dog. I say OK, thinking that if I watch her, she won't do anything. I turn around to make sure no cars are coming and when I turn back, she's trying to steal my dog. FML
by teecrafter2038 / 03/12/2015 at 10:07am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML
by dorianseiji / 03/11/2015 at 4:37pm / France (Picardie) / Kids
Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML
by Anonymous / 03/10/2015 at 7:15pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I moved into my new apartment. As I sat in my living room watching Netflix, I found out that my window has an excellent view of my new neighbors, who just so happen to like to shag with the blinds open. I guess I'll be buying some curtains. FML
by curtain buyer / 03/08/2015 at 9:05pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…