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katherinebby17's FML badges
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katherinebby17's favorite FMLs
Today, I asked my girlfriend why she's been avoiding kissing me lately. Apparently she had a dream that one of my teeth caught on her braces, and all of her teeth got pulled out like a string of pearls. It seems unlikely she will be un-scarred any time soon. FML
by Anonymous / 09/18/2015 at 10:08pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, my 50-something coworker followed through on his threat to file a defamation lawsuit against me. All because I jokingly said "pedo" after he bragged to everyone that his girlfriend is a smoking hot 19-year-old. FML
by Anownimous / 09/18/2015 at 3:51pm / United States (California) / Money
by shitfaced / 09/18/2015 at 1:30pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/28/2015 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 2:49am / United States / Kids
Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
by Annie / 08/24/2015 at 4:46am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2015 at 12:25am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML
by YourAverageFckUp / 08/22/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tazed. FML
by BryanTazed / 08/22/2015 at 8:21am / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/21/2015 at 12:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML
by MyBallsForSaleOnEbay / 08/21/2015 at 11:25am / Malta / Kids
by GlueAndCarrots / 08/19/2015 at 10:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by SebastianCT / 08/19/2015 at 1:44pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by hbt51 / 08/17/2015 at 3:56pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…