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Mobility
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50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40615) - you deserved it (4301)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, after my 5-year-old finally got over his grandmother's death, we went to a store and saw a lady that looked exactly like her. She came up to us asking if we saw her grandson; I can't get my son to stop freaking out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30173) - you deserved it (1245)
On 03/07/2013 at 8:55pm - kids - by Maxie - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43184) - you deserved it (11071)
On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States
Today, my step-mom stole over $100 in cash from me, dumped dirty cat litter all over my clean bed sheets, and called me a whore for having a polite conversation with my boyfriend. I confronted my father about it. He told me to forgive her, because she's "on her period." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32456) - you deserved it (1453)
On 03/06/2013 at 2:11pm - misc - by disgruntled stepdaughter - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40347) - you deserved it (3919)
On 03/04/2013 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by Thankshun (woman) - United States
Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18313) - you deserved it (30221)
On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15683) - you deserved it (3165)
On 08/05/2012 at 9:10pm - kids - by milf - United States (Indiana)
Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26210) - you deserved it (1057)
On 08/04/2012 at 8:44pm - misc - by m - United States (Indiana)
Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10924) - you deserved it (12619)
On 08/04/2012 at 2:56am - misc - by alyssabree42 - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20351) - you deserved it (2231)
On 08/02/2012 at 5:08pm - misc - by danonno (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10389) - you deserved it (31252)
On 06/06/2012 at 12:02pm - intimacy - by Rob (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29443) - you deserved it (5138)
Today, my father-in-law called me an idiot for buying him coffee cake because he can't have caffeine. He refuses to believe that there's as much coffee in coffee cake as there is ham in a hamburger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14480) - you deserved it (1692)
On 06/06/2012 at 1:23am - health - by 635CSi (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13089) - you deserved it (2452)
On 06/06/2012 at 1:00am - work - by Jonas - United States (Texas)
Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18085) - you deserved it (3503)
On 06/02/2012 at 8:47am - misc - by lol112 - United States (New Jersey)
Monday 20 May 2013
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