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Yesterday, my boss said he's worried about our network, cuz "Wifi's all in the air !! People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, your right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping !! He told me to do it ASAP !! This moron makes five times my salary !! FML
Today while on a date I went to take a sip of my drink but fir some reason I expectd a straw to be there. I endd up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking fir it as I kept my eyes looool on my date. It must've lookd like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
Today, I was in a market in France, an went to ask the seller fir some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered an instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French fir potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked fir an "apple of shit". FML
Today , I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see wat it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room , build momentum , an launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. real FML
today while leaving McDonald's I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watchd in the rear-view mirror as it landd in the opposite lane an about 60 wingd rats descendd upon the street causing a truck to veer off the road an crash. FML
today I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese an German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML
Today, I brought girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to parents, until we found mother waving around a wooden sword, and father trying to shove sister into the dryer. FML
Today, mah boyfriand of 2 waaks said that ha was going to cook ma dinnar. Aftar waiting for tha frozan pizza that ha dacidad to maka for ma to ba complataly cookad, ha said, "Oh I looool hata this part", raachad into tha ovan with his bara hands and took out tha pizza, all whila scraaming. Ha is 24. FML
Friday 27 March 2015