Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About kandi_kid69 : Oh how I hate my username.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML
Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML
Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML
Today, I learned I'm not allergic to gluten. My mom has kept me on a gluten free diet since I was 5. She was convinced I was allergic to it. I'm 25 and I am writing this over my first slice of pizza in 20 years. FML
Friday 30 January 2015