Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About kamikazziphantom : I always go on this site and read the "About Me's" when I'm bored, and get really disappointed when somebody either doesn't have one, or has a short one. So, dear sweet About Me reader, I shall not disappoint.
My name is Charley, like a boy only not because I'm a girl. (I use that line often, and with vigor. I think I'm clever.) I have tattoos and scars, and I'm proud of all of them. I like a lot of alternative-rock, indie, electroswing, and electronica music, to name a few. I'm a Psychology major (but of course,) but not a very good student. I love people and what makes us unique...and am generally very accepting, but every now and then I come across somebody who makes me face palm with so much force my mom asks me if I'm being bullied. I'm extremely friendly and would love to message one of you, but I'm on my iPhone. :( But if you want, drop me a line. I check FML on my computer every now and again.
AND THAT, MY DEAR FELLOW STALKER, IS MY ABOUT ME.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML
Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML
Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML
Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML
Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML
Friday 27 November 2015