kalejaxson

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kalejaxson

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 16 November 1991 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 546
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About kalejaxson : Commenting on FML is fun. People take things way too seriously. It's a joke son you missed it.

kalejaxson's page activity

Visits<b>Rhett_15</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 10:48pm<b>karwank</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 11:19am<b>Jazzy9999</b> - the 03/23/2014 at 2:16pm<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 11:31am

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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kalejaxson's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to convince my daughter that the "To boldly go where no man has gone before" speech is from Star Trek, and is not an actual historical speech by the first man on the moon. She has decided to include it in her university essay on Neil Armstrong anyway. FML

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

by Alyssa / 02/12/2012 at 7:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 2:35pm / Kids

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for a familiar reason; I apparently have night terrors that make me "Impossible to sleep in the same room with." I don't ever remember these dreams. Every other girlfriend I've had has ended up breaking things off with me for the same reason. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2011 at 9:55pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend left me for my neighbor. Her name is Hope. She'd better "hope" I don't take a dump in her yard. FML

by queenlatifa101bebe / 12/09/2011 at 9:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was feeling super nervous about driving because I had my first accident the day before. As I stopped at a red light, I got rear-ended. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2011 at 7:23pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2011 at 12:06pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML

by jessi / 12/02/2011 at 8:22am / United States / Kids

Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML

by unknown52 / 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Health

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

by pops up / 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML

by Aaron / 12/01/2011 at 5:00pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML

by haunted / 11/24/2011 at 3:30pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to this boy I really like and we were laughing together, until I got this disgusting putrid smell. I started to say how awful the smell was and he stopped laughing to take a sniff too. As soon as he closed his mouth the smell was gone. FML

by ninalian / 05/22/2011 at 2:30am / United States (Puerto Rico) / Health

Today, I went on a blind date. When I got there, I found out that the guy was a ventriloquist and was going to use his puppet to talk to me. FML

by severedface / 05/22/2011 at 1:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Love