About kaitlynoliver11 : I like food, swimming, singing, and never wearing shoes. Ever. Yep. That's about it.
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kaitlynoliver11's favorite FMLs
Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML
by notsofriendly / 11/06/2014 at 3:15pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by subduedbeast / 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 09/04/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Michigan) / Animals
by cat lady / 08/30/2014 at 7:56am / Norway (Rogaland) / Animals
by KristaAaronn / 08/27/2014 at 8:24am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML
by oh shit / 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, it's been a week since I found an egg in the street that had seemingly fallen out of a nest. I'd bought a cage and an expensive incubator lamp to save it. It's thus been a week that I've been trying to save a mouldy old potato. FML
by mac cayne / 05/01/2014 at 11:13pm / France (Alsace) / Miscellaneous
Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
by Shit / 04/27/2014 at 1:25pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I used a facial mask for super sensitive skin, recommended by several friends with similar skin issues. Apparently, when the warning says, "May cause some slight redness for thirty minutes", it really means, "Your face will have hives and swell to twice its normal size for several hours." FML
by Tomatoe Face / 04/22/2014 at 1:31am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, I was walking around school alone and felt someone tap my back. I laughed and turned around to find no one was there. I felt confused when I felt the tapping again, which is when I chose to yell at the nearest person, "What?!" I later found out it was a bottle in my backpack tapping me. FML
by ohmygod582 / 04/13/2014 at 9:32pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML
by someone / 04/01/2014 at 3:21pm / United States (West Virginia) / Love
by off to the whorehouse, then / 03/31/2014 at 5:03pm / United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove) / Intimacy
Today, I was telling my friends about a date I had recently that went badly, because the guy turned out to be a moron. I said the last straw was when I used the word "decipher" and was met with a blank stare. I was then met with more blank stares. FML
by Anonymous / 03/19/2014 at 2:25am / United States (New York) / Love
by sh3lbst3r / 03/14/2014 at 6:59pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to… Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks… Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML