Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

kaimariebee

Offline (the 09/22/2014 at 11:00pm) | Search for a member

kaimariebee

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 29 December 1991 (22 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 984
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About kaimariebee : College Grad.
Beautician.
But most importantly, I am a Mother to a beautiful baby girl ♡♥♡.

kaimariebee's page activity

Visits<b>nightfire2258</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 3:18am<b>DMAN80182001</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 1:07am<b>BCguy3</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 7:36pm<b>marinade18</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 11:38pm<b>pantherfan0877</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 2:58am<b>ironfey</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 12:43am<b>ZomboticKitteh</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 9:13pm<b>greaterdane</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 5:13pm<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 8:39am<b>A07</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 7:32am<b>lisaint</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 5:16pm<b>JonnyBoy18</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 2:13am<b>DoubleDie7</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 9:42pm<b>krupa1017</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 10:39pm<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 6:39pm<b>fmlnjd2013</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 10:36pm<b>incoherentrmblr</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 12:57am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 7:43pm

kaimariebee's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of kaimariebee's badges

kaimariebee's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

#20423881
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40523) - you deserved it (4810)

On 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by geewhy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

#20423697
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50432) - you deserved it (3532)

On 12/26/2012 at 2:30pm - misc - by gaggin - United States (California)

Today, after giving my husband a new video game that he's been wanting, along with homemade waffles and a surprise blowjob, he gave me my gift: two packets of ramen noodles, and toilet paper. FML

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend breaking things off with me. He waited until the day after Christmas because he wanted all his presents. And he got me nothing. FML

#20423285
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44080) - you deserved it (3436)

On 12/26/2012 at 9:32am - love - by Jolene - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

#20409224
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29528) - you deserved it (6154)

On 12/20/2012 at 4:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML

#20407310
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10747) - you deserved it (73985)

On 12/19/2012 at 10:26am - love - by rightinthekarma (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

#20406767
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29084) - you deserved it (3540)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:16am - health - by Igor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML

#20405554
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36248) - you deserved it (5772)

On 12/18/2012 at 12:33pm - kids - by fatbabysyndrome (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

#20404037
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30645) - you deserved it (7996)

On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States

Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML

#20403594
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30683) - you deserved it (5737)

On 12/17/2012 at 11:21am - kids - by Bonding_boys (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

#20403258
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35178) - you deserved it (13798)

On 12/17/2012 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I saw my crush at the grocery store. He saw me and started walking towards me. I got so excited that I farted when he came near. FML

#20402614
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33930) - you deserved it (9158)

On 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

#20402533
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27123) - you deserved it (12841)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML

#20401145
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24648) - you deserved it (3802)

On 12/15/2012 at 7:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

#20400784
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19256) - you deserved it (4143)

On 12/15/2012 at 1:43pm - misc - by oh gee, you don't say (woman) - United Kingdom (Southampton)



FML's blog

  • Gragrou's illustrated FML
  • One day, cats will rule the world, but not today, there's a bit of tin foil stuck under the couch. The Internet and cats is quite the love story, everybody knows that. A very serious study that was done…

Friday 26 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: