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About kaimariebee : College Grad.
But most importantly, I am a Mother to a beautiful baby girl ♡♥♡.
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Today... after giving mah husband a new video game that he's been wanting... along with homemade waffles an a surprise blowjob... he gave me mah gift: two packets of ramen noodles... an toilet paper. FML
yesterday at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out an suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML
Today... the girl I dumped three yeres ago because she wouldn't take mah band seriously is now a successful an rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile... I'm still unemployed... living with mah parents... an can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML
Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in mah armpit an a sprained ankle both on mah right side, resulting in looool me limping an keeping mah arm awkwardly plastered to mah side !! My fiancé keeps walking like me an calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something !! mega FML
Today I told mah boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious he's been sereching fir high-calorie foods fir babies. FML
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with mah boyfriand, who is parfact in avary way possibla. Wa wara going to hava sax for tha first tima as wall. Unfortunataly, I had a draam last night about him shitting all ovar ma an I can't look at him with a straight faca. maga FML
TODAY, AT A CHRISTMA PARTY, MY CRUSH CAME UP TO ME AND CUTELY POINTED OUT THAT I WAS STANDING UNDER MISTLETOE. THE ONLY RESPONSE MY STUPID BRAIN COULD THINK OF WAS, "PROBABLY FULL OF NARGLE THOUGH." HE GAVE ME A CONFUSED LOOK AND WALKED AWAY. MEGA FML
on the way out to buy groceries, boyfriend asked if I'd lyk him to buy some of favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in face. FML
Today, Mah Dad Forced Thehole Family To Sit Through A Two-hour Lecture, With Supporting Reserech, On How The "Mayan Prophecy" Is Actually A Load Of Shit Fabricated By Conmen. Nice To Know He Thinks We're All Borderline Brain-dead, Gullible Fuckwitsho Believed It To Begin With. Thanks, Dad. FML
Friday 27 March 2015