Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (the 10/20/2014 at 7:36pm) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 29 December 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2116
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About kaimariebee : College Grad.
But most importantly, I am a Mother to a beautiful baby girl ♡♥♡.

kaimariebee's page activity

Visits<b>ratman775</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 12:38pm<b>AscendV</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 7:09am<b>FoxHunt9119</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 11:24pm<b>joshtapp</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 1:35am<b>freeport_aidan</b> - the 01/18/2015 at 1:02pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 4:34pm<b>123765</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 8:22am<b>SlashingAverV2</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 10:19pm<b>nightfire2258</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 3:18am<b>DMAN80182001</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 1:07am<b>BCguy3</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 7:36pm<b>marinade18</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 11:38pm<b>ironfey</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 12:43am<b>ZomboticKitteh</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 9:13pm<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 8:39am<b>A07</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 7:32am<b>lisaint</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 5:16pm<b>JonnyBoy18</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 2:13am

kaimariebee's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of kaimariebee's badges

kaimariebee's favorite FMLs

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML


I agree, your life sucks (12199) - you deserved it (36218)

On 01/31/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26452) - you deserved it (2263)

On 01/30/2013 at 5:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38668) - you deserved it (2773)

On 01/30/2013 at 4:05pm - animals - by puppydrama - United States

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36484) - you deserved it (2636)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:48am - misc - by thegirlofthedad (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53432) - you deserved it (15108)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32239) - you deserved it (2636)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:30am - health - by asthmattack (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I took a swig of lemonade from my cup, only to feel something hard in my mouth. Thinking it was a roach or something, I freaked out and spat out the drink. I doused my laptop and soaked myself in the process, only to find out it was a small ice-cube. FML


I agree, your life sucks (10706) - you deserved it (38360)

On 01/24/2013 at 2:53pm - misc - by idiot (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML


I agree, your life sucks (22488) - you deserved it (43734)

On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my home-made pasta sauce had a weird taste to it because my basil patch in the backyard has become my dog's preferred spot to pee. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34220) - you deserved it (7062)

On 01/19/2013 at 2:40am - animals - by damnthedog (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML


I agree, your life sucks (37785) - you deserved it (3653)

On 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by methane overload (man) - United States

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42126) - you deserved it (3547)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm - health - by SF49 - United States

Today, I've been struggling with my English paper for the past hour, because I can't concentrate. This is because my mom is in the room next to me, singing to her pet rat about what a cute little boy he is, in between yelling at him to stop "molesting" her. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34330) - you deserved it (2849)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:02pm - animals - by theycallmekitty (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37543) - you deserved it (3034)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Céline's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! It’s a day of national pride over near the FML offices. There's a time for everything, and even if the desire to piss about to release the tension is huge, we mustn’t forget that we can…

Friday 27 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: