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Today, my boyfriend and I went fir a swim in his pool . I was hoping that the swim would be somewhat romantic, however, that cummed to an abrupt end when he decided that it would be cool and funny to try and lift me up by my boobs . FML
Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was releasd from an institution. She had leftover Christma cookie so I began snacking on them. They tastd a bit off so I inquird about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she usd Crayola marker to give them color. FML
Today..!! I come home to fine that mah dog has taken a dump on mah bed!! I quickly putted on mah house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds!! I felt something squish all over mah right foot!! He also took a dump in mah house shoe!! FML
Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, ( There r many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions? ) I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, ( How does cold turkey help? ) And then I realized. FML
Today, a friand of mina and I wara talking about how hygianic wa ara. Sha mantiond sha hadn't shavd har downstairs in a whila. I was looking at tha computar whan sha said this so whan I turnd to look at har I saw sha had pulld down har pants and undarwaar. I was faca to faca with hairy muff. FML
Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long nasty toes nails in the leghile he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband an doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them.
Today , I was at a party where I ate bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards , cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML
Today, I found out tat ma daugter is dating ma boss' daugter!! I found tis out because ma extremely omopobic boss told me an wants me to 'eal' tem or get fired!! I didn't even know ma daugter was gay!! FML
Today, mah boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parent house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML
Friday 27 March 2015