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kailey584704's FML badges
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kailey584704's favorite FMLs
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by What the fuck, son? / 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals
by iLynz / 04/23/2013 at 2:34am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML
by thanks gramps / 04/19/2013 at 3:27am / Canada (Yukon Territory) / Miscellaneous
by ugh / 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML
by Squid / 11/07/2012 at 12:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML
by MobPerfect / 05/11/2012 at 9:24am / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
by hurtsmyears / 11/06/2011 at 8:23pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML
by kdeeeceee / 11/05/2011 at 3:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
by piece of shed / 08/31/2011 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML
by Anonymous / 07/21/2011 at 7:46pm / Australia (South Australia) / Kids
by douglas / 07/17/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm / United States / Intimacy
- Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back… Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and… Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk…
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, it’s been a week since I arrived in Cuba. Gustav came to visit us. Now it’s Hannah’s turn.… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus…