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jwr1002

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jwr1002

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  • Number of visits : 337
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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jwr1002's favorite FMLs

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

#3838271
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10014) - you deserved it (94276)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I saw the FW: from my wife. FML

#2527360
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85544) - you deserved it (7057)

On 06/02/2009 at 8:19am - intimacy - by Ariel (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML

#2350763
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16595) - you deserved it (68417)

On 05/27/2009 at 7:10pm - work - by waterproblem (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608
455 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42009) - you deserved it (144099)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

#1767727
693 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15969) - you deserved it (240523)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:43am - work - by pizzagurl (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my family was talking about how people's hair goes gray when they get old. My grandma mentioned that she was initially attracted to my grandpa because of his red hair and was sad when it turned gray. "It's ok," she continued, "his pubic hair is still red." FML

#1378571
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66519) - you deserved it (3727)

On 04/27/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by ewwww (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

#1047922
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16365) - you deserved it (72926)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

#794025
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71175) - you deserved it (18424)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML

#644123
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82597) - you deserved it (16353)

On 03/27/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by badmom (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was going to a stoplight party. Green shirt=single, yellow=hard to get and red=taken. I show up wearing a red shirt and I see my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I ask him jokingly why he isn't wearing red. He looks at me weird and says, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML

#642666
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101918) - you deserved it (5232)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:47pm - misc - by 1234567898765432 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

#487098
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51951) - you deserved it (15853)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML

#386198
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39575) - you deserved it (86063)

On 03/16/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by badgrandchild - United States (District of Columbia)



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