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jwr1002's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 01/30/2013 at 5:13am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML
by geewhy / 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Intimacy
by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Vassy / 12/04/2012 at 1:51pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, my room-mates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML
by kay51 / 11/24/2012 at 1:41pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, in break from tradition, I proposed to my boyfriend. We were at a Japanese Pagoda. Water was trickling everywhere; the moment was perfect. While I was on my knee, after pouring my heart out, he looked wistfully out over the water and said, "So, I was thinking pizza tonight." FML
by but I tried anal and everything / 11/22/2012 at 11:13am / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML
by AHole / 11/21/2012 at 9:03am / United States (North Dakota) / Transportation
by wow babe / 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by Anonymous / 11/12/2011 at 12:34am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by INside / 08/02/2011 at 12:52am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/22/2011 at 4:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by poked / 03/05/2011 at 7:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work
- Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I… Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was… Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is…
- Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the… Today, after hours of non-stop work on an important case, I cheeringly blurted out, "And now, time… Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked…