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jwitt0024's favorite FMLs
Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML
by Bandking / 03/17/2014 at 5:48pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML
by -_- / 09/22/2013 at 2:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by poolgirl789 / 09/03/2013 at 2:30am / United Kingdom (Bradford) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/01/2013 at 12:34pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML
by um... what the fuck, miss? / 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML
by WasntMe / 07/17/2013 at 7:15pm / United States / Kids
by igotsbadluck / 07/17/2013 at 5:44pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Intimacy
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