About jwbbabe : Guido, model (yes, the picture is me, so stop asking);
Life's a bitch, and so am I.
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Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82503) - you deserved it (7026)
On 03/31/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by poo_shoe123 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML
I agree, your life sucks (83348) - you deserved it (6467)
On 03/26/2009 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by ThanksMom (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30856) - you deserved it (65563)
On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my mom suspected me of doing marijuana. She went and bought a home-drug test and sent me to the bathroom. As I went in, I realized there was already pee in the toilet. I scooped that instead of my own and handed it to my mom. It came up positive. My sister used the bathroom last. She's 12. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26037) - you deserved it (57131)
On 03/24/2009 at 12:19am - health - by smokythebear (man) - United States
Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27878) - you deserved it (119675)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14574) - you deserved it (60192)
On 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61414) - you deserved it (2172)
On 03/10/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (460519) - you deserved it (572179)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I decided to do a load of laundry. Two minutes into the cycle, I realized that I left my iPod in my sweatpants pocket. The washing machine door locks automatically and cannot be opened until the 40-minute cycle is up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23639) - you deserved it (40726)
On 03/09/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by DumbDinosaur (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53405) - you deserved it (8610)
On 03/06/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by cumguzzler - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14205) - you deserved it (39534)
On 02/27/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by beachbum (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear ending the person in front of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4391) - you deserved it (36613)
On 02/09/2009 at 11:54pm - misc - by prettyinpurple - United States (Virginia)
Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23336) - you deserved it (2602)
On 02/02/2009 at 5:49am - love - by murphy - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: “I’m keeping them just in case...”- “In case of what?”- “In case I want to dress up like an asshole”. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5427) - you deserved it (15477)
On 01/20/2009 at 9:01am - love - by dude - Sent from mobile version
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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