Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jvanaaken

Search for a member

jvanaaken

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 100
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

jvanaaken's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

jvanaaken's favorite FMLs

Today, I Discovarad That Whan A Cyclist Taars Down Tha Straat, Slaps U Across Tha Faca As Ha Passas, Looks Back Laughing An Flips U Off, Than Crashas Into A Lamppost, Ha'll Still Blama U An Thraatan To Sua, Avan Aftar U Rush Ovar To Chack His Injurias. FML

#20014116
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30885) - you deserved it (2126)

On 08/10/2012 at 8:45pm - health - by dumbasdogshit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today , I finally realized how depressed I amhen I found bubble wrap and didn't feel like popping it. mega FML

#19957944
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31559) - you deserved it (2527)

On 07/19/2012 at 5:01am - health - by Epiphany (man) - United States

Today I ad a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool I yelld at my grlfriend to get me a beer. Se cuckd four bottles at my ead. All my friends ceerd er on. FML

#19957248
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6750) - you deserved it (73943)

On 07/19/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, in a parking lot, a girl cummd up to our car and startd to knock on te window and scream, "I KNEW IT!" My girlfriend doesn't believe tat I don't know er. FML

#19726144
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27643) - you deserved it (2076)

On 06/03/2012 at 11:20am - misc - by Apissedoffguy - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, in a training class, I got to see a picture of what can happen when a man does not wear a safety harnes correctly!! For those of you who are unaware, male body parts are easily severed by loose straps!! I cannot un-see that picture!! It wasn't even a harnes safety class!! FML

#19635115
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18105) - you deserved it (1731)

On 05/16/2012 at 11:53pm - misc - by recmonty - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl so I puttd an extra 30 pounds on the bar I lowerd pushd.. . and poopd . FML

#19572377
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13235) - you deserved it (41561)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:49am - health - by authorsubmit - United States

yesterday I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly . After a few drinks, he calld a cab for us . When it arrivd, I seducingly askd, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both . I'll go to mine and u go to yours" and walkd away . The cab driver laughd the whole way home . FML

#19509709
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26725) - you deserved it (11034)

On 04/22/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by ultraattitude - United States (California)

Today, it's Christmas day. Normally, family would be opening gifts right now. Instead, mom is holding our gifts hostage until we clean the house. Apparently, "The presents aren't going anywhere." FML

#18606973
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13751) - you deserved it (25845)

On 12/25/2011 at 12:06pm - misc - by John Nani (man) - United States (Connecticut)

TODAY , I ACCIDENTALLY ASKD A ONE-ARMD MANHICH ARM HE WANTD ME TO TAKE BLOOD FROM. HE ASKD 4 A DIFFERENT NURSE. FML

#17207535
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14802) - you deserved it (44996)

On 07/21/2011 at 7:35pm - work - by ohmygosh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today , I peekd through my window and traind a pair of binocular on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail , he ends up standing in front of his window toples to flex his muscles. This time , I was surprisd to instead find a note tapd to the window saying , ( Sorry , I'm out tonight. ) FML

#17032745
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11237) - you deserved it (77766) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/08/2011 at 8:11pm - love - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I meanhenever I go in another room an shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try an break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML

#15366508
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30798) - you deserved it (6002)

On 03/18/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by nosleeptilpissoff (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was on the phone with mah boyfriend who's sick, he told me he felt sleepy due to meds and was going to bed. I jokingly said, "you're going to call yur other girlfriend, aren't you?" There was silence before I heard, "you weren't supposed to fine out lyk this." FML

#13068914
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49247) - you deserved it (4110)

On 09/16/2010 at 12:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I Noticd A Cute Grl In The Checkout Lane At The Store . Feeling A Little Flrtatious, I Decidd To Blow A Bubble With My Gum To Get Her Attention . I Accidentally Shot The Gum Out Of My Mouth Onto The Guy Next To Me, Spitting All Over Myself In The Process . FML

#9134827
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9460) - you deserved it (36873)

On 03/16/2010 at 4:12pm - love - by splitzville (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, in a sporting goods store, ma mom walked over to te oter side of te store,en a cute guy came over to talk to me. Wen se saw tis se grabbed a bat, walked over to us an said "If u ever even look at ma daugter again, I will beat u sitless." Se was serious. He ran. FML

#8354648
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29671) - you deserved it (2219)

On 02/16/2010 at 9:54pm - misc - by batter--up (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today... I found out tat I was not adoptd and in fact my parent r my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long ave I been believing I was adoptd? 22 yeres. Wy did I start believing I was adoptd? My sibling tougt it would be a funny joke. My mom playd along. FML

#8124338
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43574) - you deserved it (3019)

On 02/11/2010 at 7:22am - misc - by Biological (man) - United States (California)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: