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juuuliaaa's favorite FMLs
Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML
by Atheist / 03/22/2012 at 12:56am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML
Today, after 3 hours in a cramped car with my family, we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were, "It feels so good to be able to walk!" That's when I noticed the elderly man sitting in a wheelchair only a few meters away. FML
by VerbalDiarrhea / 01/08/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Nevada) / Transportation
by GingerJ / 01/01/2012 at 8:22pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health
Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by brownunderwear / 12/13/2011 at 10:45pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML
by Anothernametaken / 11/18/2011 at 7:22am / United States / Work
by lababy / 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML
by KaySchrages92 / 10/24/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was denied a waitressing job at a local diner I have been going to for years. Due to the fact that my name is Julia. They already have a waitress there named Julie. Apparently, I would "create too much confusion." FML
by Julia / 10/03/2011 at 11:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by Emily / 08/21/2011 at 12:54am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/05/2011 at 6:28pm / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML
by John jacob / 06/13/2011 at 2:25am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Shelly / 06/12/2011 at 10:50pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML
by peaaaak / 06/03/2011 at 6:17am / United Kingdom (Thurrock) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, it’s exam day in Sweden. Yesterday, I prepared three fountain pens and six cartridges. The…