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juuuliaaa

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juuuliaaa

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juuuliaaa's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

#20798640
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56141) - you deserved it (11978)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:04am - intimacy - by suckstosuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

#20791178
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41308) - you deserved it (3064)

On 07/18/2013 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML

#20776430
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46687) - you deserved it (17185)

On 07/11/2013 at 7:13pm - kids - by thanks, Nemo. - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55002) - you deserved it (7747)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML

#20765683
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42544) - you deserved it (7137)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:29pm - misc - by he's a dawk, and a cunt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML

#20760666
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64755) - you deserved it (5190)

On 07/02/2013 at 10:39pm - love - by Jenn (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

#20752548
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45931) - you deserved it (3481)

On 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67229) - you deserved it (9918)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I then found myself starting to like him, until he shot me in the forehead with a stapler gun. FML

#20639773
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47155) - you deserved it (4275)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:30pm - work - by annoyedgirl - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

#20614650
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31359) - you deserved it (17896)

On 04/22/2013 at 10:48pm - misc - by KyngJulian - United States

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41041) - you deserved it (5322)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me. Because now she find someone better than me. FML

#20518428
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45434) - you deserved it (3835)

On 02/23/2013 at 3:07am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

#20487313
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34742) - you deserved it (2399)

On 01/31/2013 at 5:28am - health - by I'maboutobarf - Australia

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

#20478275
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34052) - you deserved it (5802)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico



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