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juuuliaaa's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 12:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
by cheekychimp23 / 07/24/2013 at 8:03am / United Kingdom / Animals
Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML
by suckstosuck / 07/23/2013 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/18/2013 at 9:03pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML
by thanks, Nemo. / 07/11/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by hamburger / 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML
by he's a dawk, and a cunt / 07/05/2013 at 6:29pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML
by Jenn / 07/02/2013 at 10:39pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by SpiderFather / 07/02/2013 at 4:01am / France / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by annoyedgirl / 05/03/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (Washington) / Work
by KyngJulian / 04/22/2013 at 10:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Holidays
- Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I… Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my… Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get…
- Today, I rode the bus to school. Two of my peers (not friends) start calling each other names and… Today, I went on what I thought was a third date. After I paid the $100 bill at the restaurant, she… Today, I had a soccer game. My coach decided to make me be goalie, even though i've never played as…