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justspin's favorite FMLs
Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML
by me / 12/18/2010 at 10:20pm / United States / Transportation
by Anonymous / 10/30/2010 at 10:00am / Japan (Tokyo) / Miscellaneous
Today, my gynecologist was having trouble with my exam due to me being "too tight." I'm 24. After the explanation of having been pretty inactive in over a year, she exclaimed, "Damn, girl, we really need to find you a boyfriend!" Yeah, tell me about it. FML
by miss cranky pants / 10/30/2010 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went to class with my bag packed for a weekend trip when it began to vibrate violently. Stopping mid-lecture, the professor approached me and asked politely if I could turn off my cell phone as I was disturbing the other 150 pupils in the class. It was my personal vibrator. FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 7:01pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML
by nackpattywhackgiveadogabone / 09/23/2010 at 7:01am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML
by cameltoeyourface / 07/25/2010 at 8:42pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by awkwardsituation / 07/11/2010 at 4:05am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2010 at 4:30am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I have to spend over an hour at a Gamestop so my boyfriend can get his 'Final Fantasy' game at midnight. I'm tired, I don't want to stand around any more, and all the people around around me are debating super heroes. I'm living in an episode of 'The Big Bang Theory.' FML
by notanerd / 03/09/2010 at 12:12am / United States / Geek
Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML
by notamathematician / 03/07/2010 at 5:27am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by hannah12345 / 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm / Intimacy
Today, I was teaching a special techniques class for ballet and was focusing on pirouettes. I was teaching a group of 8 year olds, and one student could do perfect triple turns one after the other. I still can't do them, and I've been dancing for 15 years. FML
by JJ101 / 02/19/2010 at 6:52am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by CD / 01/10/2010 at 7:24pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML
by Fredgruff / 01/09/2010 at 8:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML
by gettingacat / 12/17/2009 at 9:32am / United States (California) / Animals