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Today, the imperial fist of spring allergies knocked me flat on my ass. The time I was going to spend at the outdoor concert I paid $80 for was instead spent in my car, driving back home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13393) - you deserved it (2010)
On 04/28/2012 at 6:44pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20097) - you deserved it (2124)
On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36747) - you deserved it (2420)
On 04/27/2012 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by yosenfal (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9720) - you deserved it (40036) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France
Today, I realized that with all the money I've spent on repairs for my iPhone through the months, I could have bought a phone that doesn't die horribly whenever I so much as give it a mean look. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6744) - you deserved it (17365)
On 02/18/2012 at 5:07pm - money - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17929) - you deserved it (1915)
On 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by wetdreams - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28241) - you deserved it (2262)
On 02/01/2012 at 11:11am - work - by ABBenzin (man) - United States
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27996) - you deserved it (4974)
On 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm - kids - by DocBastard (man) - Reserved
Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21958) - you deserved it (2898)
On 12/14/2011 at 9:46pm - money - by kittyslayer (man) - United States
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17174) - you deserved it (20843)
On 12/14/2011 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37833) - you deserved it (10139)
On 11/17/2011 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21132) - you deserved it (5857)
On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15388) - you deserved it (7234)
On 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm - animals - by MY CAR (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boss made me run yet another stupid errand. When I delivered the paperwork to his office, I saw an email printout on his desk. Apparently, he has a plan in the works to get me "FRIED" next month. I'm not sure whether to give him a letter of resignation or a bottle of barbecue sauce. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17945) - you deserved it (1701)
On 10/27/2011 at 12:15pm - work - by last literate - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20978) - you deserved it (13043)
On 10/20/2011 at 4:26am - love - by Awie (man) - Austria (Wien)
Monday 17 June 2013
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