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justfienne's favorite FMLs
by Susan / 03/18/2013 at 4:59am / Ireland / Intimacy
by lolo / 02/21/2013 at 7:16pm / Israel (HaDarom) / Miscellaneous
by WellShit / 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML
by DamnTornadoAlley / 08/30/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML
by danonno / 08/02/2012 at 5:08pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/28/2012 at 12:02pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 12:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by LOTRfail / 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by really / 06/21/2012 at 1:30am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by fail / 06/15/2012 at 11:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids
by facepalm / 06/06/2012 at 4:06am / United States (California) / Love
Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML
by whattdafuuukkkk / 06/05/2012 at 7:56am / United States / Work
- Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand.… Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started… Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are…