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justbigbs's favorite FMLs
by Username / 07/11/2011 at 1:42pm / United States / Health
Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML
by muffintop / 07/10/2011 at 10:34pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health
Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML
Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML
by virginat16 / 12/14/2010 at 6:00am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML
by shit / 12/14/2010 at 4:26am / United States (Colorado) / Health
by parentfail / 12/11/2010 at 9:44am / United Kingdom / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 11:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I wanted to send a birthday card. I kindly asked my boss for an envelope, and she asked me to pay for it. I've been working for her as an intern for over a year now, without receiving any money for it. FML
by Anonymous / 12/09/2010 at 7:19am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Work
Today, I had to purchase a new flat screen TV for the bar I work at. Last night I was dared to break an ashtray against the wall. I completely missed the wall and smashed the screen of the new TV they bought last month. FML
by ellebelle / 11/14/2010 at 7:23pm / United States / Money
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- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…