This member hasn't filled in the description.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16608) - you deserved it (52103)
On 04/11/2011 at 9:16am - intimacy - by CheeseyPotatoes (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32092) - you deserved it (7247)
On 04/09/2011 at 1:46am - intimacy - by fuundmental/// - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my friend stole my phone to call the creepy boy that follows me around at school. I wouldn't have been so bothered if she hadn't had phone sex with him, all while pretending to be me. He got so into it, he now thinks we're a couple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38883) - you deserved it (4542)
On 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14050) - you deserved it (64592)
On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38956) - you deserved it (7130)
On 03/10/2011 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anon (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27112) - you deserved it (3851)
On 03/06/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9371) - you deserved it (23202)
On 02/26/2011 at 5:59pm - misc - by jm_track - United States (Montana)
Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31213) - you deserved it (2970)
On 02/18/2011 at 8:06am - work - by sickly -
Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19562) - you deserved it (27488)
On 02/16/2011 at 7:56am - misc - by rhartnett11 -
Today, my Dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39735) - you deserved it (2945)
On 02/16/2011 at 12:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous -
Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31117) - you deserved it (7528)
On 01/28/2011 at 9:25am - kids - by duckthehack (man) - Poland (Wielkopolskie)
Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22829) - you deserved it (3278)
On 01/24/2011 at 2:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24761) - you deserved it (15686) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, during a dinner party, some friends brought up how sweet, innocent and caring they thought I was. I had to sit there as my drunk boyfriend cut them off and loudly argue that I was neither sweet nor innocent, and really nothing that special at all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22586) - you deserved it (3128)
On 01/08/2011 at 11:01am - love - by Lily - United States (New York)
Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherf*cking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35346) - you deserved it (2451)
On 12/30/2010 at 2:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (York)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
