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Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML
I agree, your life sucks (33754) - you deserved it (2420)
On 12/20/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I walked into my room in only a towel. I walked in front of my brother to get to my computer. He said, "My webcam is on." I replied smartly by screaming, hugging the towel tightly to me, turning, and running straight into the glass door, dropping the towel. His friends saw and laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16597) - you deserved it (11222)
On 12/19/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by GlassPwn (woman) - United States
Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26702) - you deserved it (2690)
On 12/18/2009 at 2:23pm - health - by drugbaby (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I received a 4 page letter in the post from a woman telling me she was Alan's wife. She spoke about their wedding in 2004, their two beautiful kids who love their daddy very much (she included pictures), and how much she loves him. Alan is my husband of 7 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38403) - you deserved it (1803)
On 12/09/2009 at 6:47pm - love - by _RobotInDisguise (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)
Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14915) - you deserved it (1599)
On 12/09/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by aawkward... (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25510) - you deserved it (2324)
On 12/05/2009 at 9:10am - misc - by thewallrules - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22778) - you deserved it (8436)
On 11/28/2009 at 10:57am - love - by lol smiley face - United States
Today, like many other days, I fell asleep in math class. Unlike other days, however, I woke up with a start while ripping a really loud fart in my sleep. The whole class heard it because it was during a lecture. Even the teacher was laughing at me and I had to walk, no, run out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6321) - you deserved it (19818)
On 11/24/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I went on a date and it was going great. When we got our meals, he told me I had to try what he was having, and he fed me a bite. I said something like "oh that was cute" and he replied with "I was just trying to see how big your mouth is." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22162) - you deserved it (3203)
On 11/23/2009 at 10:22pm - love - by OpenWide (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24201) - you deserved it (1961)
On 11/20/2009 at 6:50pm - misc - by WhyTheEff (man) - United States (California)
Today, at my work, I was ringing though a kid's purchase. I try to be friendly with the kids and when he handed me his cash I said "Thank you, sir!" in a playful manner. He then turns to his mom and says "Mom, why does everyone think I am a boy?". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22667) - you deserved it (4088)
On 11/13/2009 at 7:09pm - kids - by DeeElleGee (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years told me he had feelings for someone else. He also told me he wanted to continue dating me until things progressed further with the other woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31959) - you deserved it (1611)
On 11/08/2009 at 8:27pm - love - by toughlove (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29635) - you deserved it (1617)
On 11/07/2009 at 7:38pm - health - by oldlady (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got a text from my boyfriend that said, "Last week was the most embarassing time of my life, we're over." He was of course referring to the seizure that I had due to my epilepsy at Olive Garden. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33743) - you deserved it (1682)
On 10/29/2009 at 7:44pm - love - by Allie (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was informed by my next door neighbor that they heard me singing in the shower last night. I laughed and she told me that the family gathers in their upstairs room closest to my bathroom window to guess which song I'm singing. Every night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24014) - you deserved it (4526)
On 10/24/2009 at 6:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)
Monday 17 June 2013
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