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juliahhbaby's favorite FMLs
by inyobeddd / 05/02/2013 at 4:27am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML
by Paul / 05/01/2013 at 9:52pm / United States / Work
Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML
by Annonymous_Dad / 05/01/2013 at 7:22pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, I was lectured by my mother for staying out until 2 am because I went to a gig last night. I was told I was irresponsible and made to feel ashamed. Not only do I live on my own and pay my bills, but I'm almost 30. This is a regular occurrence. FML
by vegas518 / 05/01/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML
by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 5:48pm / United States / Work
Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML
by QueenOrangeSoda / 05/01/2013 at 5:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML
by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by DemiRawrs / 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm / United States / Health
by MrConcise / 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 11:55am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML
by luvs2spooge89 / 05/01/2013 at 10:27am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, while paying a $60 tab on drinks for a girl, a guy grabs the money-clip out of my hand and runs. I start to chase after him; the girl trips me, then runs after him. The bartender calls the cops; not to catch the thieves, but to report me for not paying. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two and a half years left me. To clear my head I decided to go for a drive. My car broke down on the way. The only mechanic I have ever used and trusted with my car is my boyfriend. Yes, I had to call him. FML
by brigie / 05/01/2013 at 4:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
- Today, my boyfriend of 6 months said he wasn't going to break up with me, he was just going to stop… Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then… Today, for the 25th time, an Indian called my cell phone asking for 'Pinkie'. I don't know who the…