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judnsmsbxjsnsbs

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judnsmsbxjsnsbs

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  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 193
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Visits<b>Dobhrionn</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 9:44pm<b>terryaly</b> - the 10/31/2013 at 4:43pm<b>Komaeda</b> - the 09/30/2013 at 1:10pm

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judnsmsbxjsnsbs's favorite FMLs

Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

#20883807
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45614) - you deserved it (8368)

On 09/16/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by meganmagee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

#20869873
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40816) - you deserved it (2430)

On 09/06/2013 at 3:01am - work - by lifesucks0925 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

#20861263
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43038) - you deserved it (7340)

On 08/31/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by fartz (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

#20855163
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48163) - you deserved it (4826)

On 08/26/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by Miami6and3 - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

#20842823
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52105) - you deserved it (3116)

On 08/18/2013 at 5:37am - kids - by DrtySnchez - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found my elderly neighbour on all fours in my garden eating my flowers. FML

#20836671
111 comments

Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

#20833377
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54374) - you deserved it (3409)

On 08/12/2013 at 4:17am - animals - by The Corner Of Death (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

#20830594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42071) - you deserved it (4889)

On 08/10/2013 at 11:23am - health - by Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

#20824961
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47970) - you deserved it (23077)

On 08/07/2013 at 1:40am - animals - by Blood on my hands (woman) - United States

Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my 30-year-old husband about why Sesame Street isn't a "soap opera." FML

#20811311
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38756) - you deserved it (4629)

On 07/30/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by imagrouch (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

#20788265
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27932) - you deserved it (49823)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58449) - you deserved it (12240)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52865) - you deserved it (9142)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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