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Offline (the 09/16/2014 at 5:42am) | Search for a member
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today , I had to sit through yet another one of my mom's , "You need to grow and gain some weight!" rants!! I'm 22 and she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm done growing!! I'm pretty sure I'm not getting past 5'2"!! big fat FML
Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to mah bed !! As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed !! Now I'm lying in bed, awake an terrified cuz I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere !! mega FML
Today, My Girlfriend Came Back From Camping With Her Friends!! I Say "friends", I Mean "friend"!! And When I Say "friend", I Mean "her Ex"!! I Took A Look Through Her Bag Afterwards, And Well, Who Knew Condoms Were Considered Camping Equipment These Days!! FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my nieghbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortifid. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping . Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips . As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, ( You probably think I'm a stripper or something . ) He looked me up and down and said, ( Uh.. . hell no . ) FML
Taday I drunkenly buried ma girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later se asked to see it and cummed back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of te dirt. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015