Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (the 09/16/2014 at 5:42am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 247
  • Number of comments : 55
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

juanschwartz's page activity

Visits<b>ElizaWy</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 12:40am<b>Cupcake040</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 7:04pm<b>NLM22</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 12:27am<b>AnasMerchant</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 10:59pm<b>neeni88</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 10:11am<b>Yogibob</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 8:15am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 4:10am<b>mayusdayus</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 4:03am<b>miiapaige</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 4:17pm<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 12:38am<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 9:49pm<b>leeebeeeee18</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 1:27pm<b>triplebeerox</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 11:06am<b>Lebeaugars95</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 12:35pm<b>cakefete2</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 12:25pm<b>brwneyes</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 5:37pm<b>snowhite4</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 10:33am<b>omfgorlaith</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 8:17am

juanschwartz's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of juanschwartz's badges

juanschwartz's favorite FMLs

Today , I had to sit through yet another one of my mom's , "You need to grow and gain some weight!" rants!! I'm 22 and she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm done growing!! I'm pretty sure I'm not getting past 5'2"!! big fat FML


I agree, your life sucks (40944) - you deserved it (3333)

On 07/29/2014 at 4:27am - misc - by Tiny (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had a 5 hour exam. The exam guard had clerely eaten something funky, cuz she kept burping loudly. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, she started farting. FML

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to mah bed !! As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed !! Now I'm lying in bed, awake an terrified cuz I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere !! mega FML


I agree, your life sucks (37726) - you deserved it (4822)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - Germany (Hessen)

Today, My Girlfriend Came Back From Camping With Her Friends!! I Say "friends", I Mean "friend"!! And When I Say "friend", I Mean "her Ex"!! I Took A Look Through Her Bag Afterwards, And Well, Who Knew Condoms Were Considered Camping Equipment These Days!! FML


I agree, your life sucks (54490) - you deserved it (6575)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by fingwhore (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had fir 3 yeres, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49734) - you deserved it (6390)

On 07/17/2014 at 7:32pm - animals - by kittynapper - United States (Colorado)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my nieghbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40395) - you deserved it (6135)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortifid. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39737) - you deserved it (4479)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm - work - by systematicpanic (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style!! I was looool getting close when he suddenly blurts out, ( Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole!! ) FML


I agree, your life sucks (31649) - you deserved it (5016)

On 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went grocery shopping . Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips . As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, ( You probably think I'm a stripper or something . ) He looked me up and down and said, ( Uh.. . hell no . ) FML


I agree, your life sucks (24371) - you deserved it (21968)

On 11/01/2011 at 1:52pm - misc - by bakedplum (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Taday I drunkenly buried ma girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later se asked to see it and cummed back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of te dirt. mega FML


I agree, your life sucks (7875) - you deserved it (41386)

On 01/30/2009 at 7:49pm - animals - by jf29 - United States (Ohio)

Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: