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juanschwartz

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juanschwartz

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 121
  • Number of comments : 55
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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juanschwartz's page activity

Visits<b>Cupcake040</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 7:04pm<b>NLM22</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 12:27am<b>AnasMerchant</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 10:59pm<b>neeni88</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 10:11am<b>Yogibob</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 8:15am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 4:10am<b>mayusdayus</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 4:03am<b>miiapaige</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 4:17pm<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 12:38am<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 9:49pm<b>leeebeeeee18</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 1:27pm<b>triplebeerox</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 11:06am<b>Lebeaugars95</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 12:35pm<b>cakefete2</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 12:25pm<b>brwneyes</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 5:37pm<b>snowhite4</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 10:33am<b>omfgorlaith</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 8:17am<b>abylenee_</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 7:39pm

juanschwartz's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of juanschwartz's badges

juanschwartz's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to sit through yet another one of my mom's, "You need to grow and gain some weight!" rants. I'm 22 and she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm done growing. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting past 5'2". FML

#21223478
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40822) - you deserved it (3317)

On 07/29/2014 at 4:27am - misc - by Tiny (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had a 5 hour exam. The exam guard had clearly eaten something funky, because she kept burping loudly. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, she started farting. FML

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

#21222166
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37544) - you deserved it (4803)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - Germany (Hessen)

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

#21222062
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51970) - you deserved it (5982)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by fingwhore (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

#21212155
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48003) - you deserved it (6171)

On 07/17/2014 at 7:32pm - animals - by kittynapper - United States (Colorado)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40218) - you deserved it (6108)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML

#21091737
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38163) - you deserved it (4312)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm - work - by systematicpanic (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

#20095626
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30925) - you deserved it (4942)

On 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

#18129165
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23154) - you deserved it (21391)

On 11/01/2011 at 1:52pm - misc - by bakedplum (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML

#3882
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7304) - you deserved it (39786)

On 01/30/2009 at 7:49pm - animals - by jf29 - United States (Ohio)



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