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jtocool

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jtocool

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jtocool's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML

#19869373
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23166) - you deserved it (3104)

On 06/30/2012 at 1:08am - work - by John - United States (New York)

Today, while at work, I witnessed a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said "yep... that just happened" and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

#19867742
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22508) - you deserved it (2680)

On 06/29/2012 at 7:12pm - kids - by ihatewalmart (man) - United States

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

#19867387
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20896) - you deserved it (5961)

On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while walking around the local thrift store, I noticed an attractive guy watching me and following me through the aisles. As he followed me to my car I was sure I would get his number. He then asks me to bring my purse inside as I had been tagged as a shoplifter. I work at the store. FML

#19858168
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22124) - you deserved it (2022)

On 06/27/2012 at 10:28pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML

#19857408
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9727) - you deserved it (37555)

On 06/27/2012 at 7:28pm - kids - by apparantlyStupid - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML

#19853793
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7484) - you deserved it (32838)

On 06/27/2012 at 12:39am - misc - by deli Shoppe - United States (California)

Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML

#19851846
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24009) - you deserved it (1814)

On 06/26/2012 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML

#19850668
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23261) - you deserved it (11090)

On 06/26/2012 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Heather (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got a cramp while swimming. It took the lifeguard 5 minutes to stop flirting with a girl before trying to help me. FML

#19850221
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23818) - you deserved it (3092)

On 06/26/2012 at 11:08am - misc - by EdgardoP - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

#19847645
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32796) - you deserved it (2222)

On 06/25/2012 at 10:55pm - money - by stolen-car - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML

#19846265
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26064) - you deserved it (15693)

On 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML

#19846265
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26064) - you deserved it (15693)

On 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, at a party, I told a joke to my crush. He didn't even smile. An hour later, I heard my model friend tell the exact same joke to him. He said it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. FML

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML

#19840064
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22838) - you deserved it (1647)

On 06/24/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by Boar - United States (New Mexico)



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