jtocool

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Offline (the 02/07/2015 at 9:31pm)

jtocool

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1811
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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jtocool's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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jtocool's favorite FMLs

Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML

by John / 06/30/2012 at 1:08am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, while at work, I witnessed a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said "yep... that just happened" and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

by ihatewalmart / 06/29/2012 at 7:12pm / United States / Kids

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

by Nick / 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, while walking around the local thrift store, I noticed an attractive guy watching me and following me through the aisles. As he followed me to my car I was sure I would get his number. He then asks me to bring my purse inside as I had been tagged as a shoplifter. I work at the store. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2012 at 10:28pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML

by apparantlyStupid / 06/27/2012 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning girl reading. I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter. She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled. After that, she left. It was a sex position book. FML

by deli Shoppe / 06/27/2012 at 12:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 6:04pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Holidays

Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML

by Heather / 06/26/2012 at 1:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I got a cramp while swimming. It took the lifeguard 5 minutes to stop flirting with a girl before trying to help me. FML

by EdgardoP / 06/26/2012 at 11:08am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

by stolen-car / 06/25/2012 at 10:55pm / United States (South Carolina) / Money

Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy

Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy

Today, at a party, I told a joke to my crush. He didn't even smile. An hour later, I heard my model friend tell the exact same joke to him. He said it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. FML

by egc573 / 06/24/2012 at 7:39pm / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML

by Boar / 06/24/2012 at 4:51pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, a kid got his hand stuck inside my store's giant gumball machine. He started crying, and his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched me out for being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor. FML

by hannaslifesucks / 06/24/2012 at 2:41pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work