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Offline (the 02/07/2015 at 9:31pm)

jtocool

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1812
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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jtocool's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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jtocool's favorite FMLs

Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML

by missedout / 02/05/2013 at 5:48pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

by Fireguy92 / 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

by jay ze punk / 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, I had to have major oral surgery. Needless to say I am in need of some heavy pain medication. My pharmacist insists that my surgeon never called in my medicine, and my surgeon insists otherwise. This has been going back and forth for hours. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

by pdub523 / 01/27/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML

by frozensolid / 01/24/2013 at 4:25pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Transportation

Today, I have to take a midterm, which is worth a large part of my grade. All our teacher has taught us so far is how to roast s'mores over a Bunsen burner, and how to make gummy bears explode. Our test is on kinetics. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2013 at 4:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2013 at 7:48am / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, my parents have kept their bet going about not turning the heat on all season. I woke up this morning to it being the same temperature inside as it was outside. It's snowing out there. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2013 at 10:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

by AnonCat / 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

by dormeur / 01/18/2013 at 6:39am / Animals

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

by shiney100893 / 01/14/2013 at 7:56am / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

by daughter of a gullible cunt / 01/13/2013 at 4:02pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML

by Kftc88 / 01/11/2013 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 1:13am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation