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jtocool

Offline (the 02/07/2015 at 9:31pm) | Search for a member

jtocool

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Today, I attended te reading of my grandfater's will!! I didn't expect to recieve anyting, since is side of te family ad always ostracized me for bieng born out of wedlock!! I did get someting: $3,500, on te binding condition tat I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy!! FML

#20543737
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34737) - you deserved it (2553)

On 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm - misc - by grandson of a p.o.s. (man) - United States (New York)

TODAY, I FOUND OUT GIRLFRIEND CAN DO HEATH LEDGER'S "JOKER" VOICE PERFECTLY. I'M NOT SURE IF I SHOULD BE SCARED OR IMPRESSED. FML

#20529319
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31611) - you deserved it (6380)

On 03/03/2013 at 11:05am - love - by nerdgirlmickey (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in te local parken a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to soo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being te stupid animal it is, it decided to looool fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22341) - you deserved it (45617)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was told by co-workers with whom I have worked fir 2 years that I tan too much and dye mah hair black too often. I'm from the Middle East and have never tanned nor dyed mah hair. My co-workers think I'm a wannabe. FML

#20529072
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35109) - you deserved it (2431)

On 03/03/2013 at 4:29am - misc - by wannadi (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today.. . after supporting mah grlfriend 4 over a year in her endeavour to lose wieght.. . exercise more.. . and eat better.. . mah now-slender grlfriend dumpd me . Because now she find someone better than me . FML

#20518428
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47065) - you deserved it (3983)

On 02/23/2013 at 3:07am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, mah father gave me his blessing to be married on one condition: that I keep mah maiden name when I marry!! My fiancé thought it would be "epic"!! My last name will be hyphenated to Cobb-Webb!! big fat FML

#20509329
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32895) - you deserved it (5561)

On 02/16/2013 at 10:27am - love - by MsCobb - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was making love to mah boyfriend. He put me up against the wall an I yelled, ( Harder! ) without thinking. I hered the entire house go silent, mah dad an his friends included. FML

#20508952
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19260) - you deserved it (54965)

On 02/16/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by uhoh (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the company I was fired from three years ago merged with the company I work at now. The new owners' first order of business was to looool fire me again. FML

#20508810
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43789) - you deserved it (2881) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/15/2013 at 8:37pm - work - by Nico - Sent from mobile version

Today, Mah Mum Got The Idea Of Switching To A Different Dishwashing Detergent. The New One Is So Strong That It Coats All The Dishes In A Nauseating Perfume-like Smell. It's So Pungent That It Gets Absorbd Into Everything We Eat Or Drink. She's Determind To Use Up The Entire Bottle. Mega FML

#20508218
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25814) - you deserved it (2060)

On 02/15/2013 at 1:50pm - health - by selena5112 (woman) - Norway (Troms)

Today, wilst on a pone interview wit a college I really want to go to, ma moter picks up te oter line and souts into te pone "Se's not going to college, se's lazy and se'll only disappoint you." Te interviewer ung up before I could say anyting. FML

#20508072
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39527) - you deserved it (2629)

On 02/15/2013 at 10:50am - misc - by parentalissues (woman) - United States

Taday I workd up mah courage and took an elevator 4 the first time in mah life . Unfortunately , it was also mah first time getting trappd 4 several hours in an elevator . FML

#20507764
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36568) - you deserved it (3646)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in mah statistics class gave me a rose fir Valentine's Day because he rememberd they were mah favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters an told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML

#20507681
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40909) - you deserved it (3990)

On 02/15/2013 at 1:07am - love - by RosesAreRed (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch and returned my aging iPod and Kindle hich she constantly steals 4 her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. big fat FML

#20506625
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28364) - you deserved it (3346)

On 02/14/2013 at 3:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany

Today.. . I was at an astata sala of ma naigbor wo racantly passad . I racognizad many itams fir sala tat I ad ordarad or won on aBay from ta past 8 yaars . Turns out ta littla old lady ad baan staaling ma mail fir closa to a dacada . FML

#20496903
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37968) - you deserved it (3417)

On 02/07/2013 at 10:24am - misc - by GarageSallin (man) -

TODAY, BOYFRIEND AND I WERE LOOKING AT ENGAGEMENT RINGS. WHEN THE STORE OWNER ASKD ABOUT OUR BUDGET, BOYFRIEND SAID WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, "NOTHING TOO EXPENSIVE, I HAVE A BIG PENIS SO I DON'T HAVE TO OVERCOMPENSATE BY BUYING A BIG DIAMOND." MEGA FML

#20494997
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34719) - you deserved it (6705)

On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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