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Today, I attended te reading of my grandfater's will!! I didn't expect to recieve anyting, since is side of te family ad always ostracized me for bieng born out of wedlock!! I did get someting: $3,500, on te binding condition tat I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy!! FML
Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in te local parken a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to soo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being te stupid animal it is, it decided to looool fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
Today, I was told by co-workers with whom I have worked fir 2 years that I tan too much and dye mah hair black too often. I'm from the Middle East and have never tanned nor dyed mah hair. My co-workers think I'm a wannabe. FML
Today.. . after supporting mah grlfriend 4 over a year in her endeavour to lose wieght.. . exercise more.. . and eat better.. . mah now-slender grlfriend dumpd me . Because now she find someone better than me . FML
Today, mah father gave me his blessing to be married on one condition: that I keep mah maiden name when I marry!! My fiancé thought it would be "epic"!! My last name will be hyphenated to Cobb-Webb!! big fat FML
Today, Mah Mum Got The Idea Of Switching To A Different Dishwashing Detergent. The New One Is So Strong That It Coats All The Dishes In A Nauseating Perfume-like Smell. It's So Pungent That It Gets Absorbd Into Everything We Eat Or Drink. She's Determind To Use Up The Entire Bottle. Mega FML
Today, wilst on a pone interview wit a college I really want to go to, ma moter picks up te oter line and souts into te pone "Se's not going to college, se's lazy and se'll only disappoint you." Te interviewer ung up before I could say anyting. FML
Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in mah statistics class gave me a rose fir Valentine's Day because he rememberd they were mah favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters an told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML
Today my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch and returned my aging iPod and Kindle hich she constantly steals 4 her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. big fat FML
Today.. . I was at an astata sala of ma naigbor wo racantly passad . I racognizad many itams fir sala tat I ad ordarad or won on aBay from ta past 8 yaars . Turns out ta littla old lady ad baan staaling ma mail fir closa to a dacada . FML
TODAY, BOYFRIEND AND I WERE LOOKING AT ENGAGEMENT RINGS. WHEN THE STORE OWNER ASKD ABOUT OUR BUDGET, BOYFRIEND SAID WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, "NOTHING TOO EXPENSIVE, I HAVE A BIG PENIS SO I DON'T HAVE TO OVERCOMPENSATE BY BUYING A BIG DIAMOND." MEGA FML
Friday 27 March 2015