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jrduarte's favorite FMLs
Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML
by -1 friend / 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML
by Sonofa / 05/17/2013 at 11:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Jololol / 05/17/2013 at 5:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
by presente13 / 05/17/2013 at 12:35am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML
by getafucktoysomewhereelsedude / 05/16/2013 at 4:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by need € for new iron / 05/16/2013 at 3:49pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML
by Redfaced / 05/15/2013 at 12:54pm / United Kingdom (Walsall) / Intimacy
by notarobber / 05/15/2013 at 3:20am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML
by grossesfesses / 05/15/2013 at 2:58am / France (Picardie) / Miscellaneous
Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML
by the only sober one / 05/15/2013 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML
by Brenden / 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML
by for the love of god / 05/14/2013 at 5:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by DrewK / 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
by wellokaythen / 05/14/2013 at 3:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…
- Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…