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jp_boards

Offline (the 09/10/2014 at 3:39pm) | Search for a member

jp_boards

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  • Number of visits : 45
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jp_boards's favorite FMLs

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

#21245090
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36623) - you deserved it (13758)

On 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm - kids - by JackieD (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a TV show about wildlife. The moment the narrator said the word "peacock", my boyfriend broke down into hysterical laughter. He laughed to the point of tears, and had to excuse himself. I'm dating a man-child. FML

#21243818
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35747) - you deserved it (7234)

On 08/23/2014 at 1:51pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

#21147237
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46969) - you deserved it (4027)

On 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

#21117679
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51493) - you deserved it (4518)

On 04/20/2014 at 12:03am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

#21047796
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40639) - you deserved it (6278)

On 02/02/2014 at 1:33am - misc - by tsukinoie - United States

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

#21023480
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43129) - you deserved it (5105)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to tell McDonald's that my 11-year-old son thought it would be funny to take a dump in the urinal. I then had to clean it up. FML

#20994572
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36606) - you deserved it (12216)

On 12/16/2013 at 11:34am - kids - by failedfather (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

#20986479
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56906) - you deserved it (4844)

On 12/09/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by igotpride - United States

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48756) - you deserved it (6373)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

#8658906
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24922) - you deserved it (7673)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:13am - animals - by aaalias34 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML

#4936228
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33816) - you deserved it (4803)

On 08/30/2009 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by sigh (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML

#3229865
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67213) - you deserved it (39409)

On 06/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Jeweler (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

#203455
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128539) - you deserved it (6815)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:15am - love - by you would (man) - United States (California)



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